Monday, November 8, 2010

Abandoned by God?

I believe that there were very powerful experiences that contributed to my concept of God. Probably the single most powerful influence was the illness that my mother suffered from. From a very early age my mother suffered from epilepsy. From my earliest memories it was always a stressor that impacted our family. One incident in particular is always with me, to this very day. My mother was driving our old station wagon with three or four of us kids in it. We were traveling north on West Jefferson and before we got to the King Road sign she began having a grand-mall seizure. My brother Tim was in the front seat and I remember him reaching over and turning the ignition key off. The station wagon rolled to a stop on the shoulder of the road.

With us kids out of the car my mother seizured for a few minutes. When she regained full consciousness she rested on the side of the road. In a few minutes my father arrived with my uncle Bob. This event and the potential tragedy that was escaped by the actions of my brother made an impact in my mind far beyond calculation. Over a period of time the emotional weight of constant worry and the anticipation of the worse took it's toll.

Trying to understand the difficulty that my mother lived with was hard for me. I only knew that most days she was a strong mother who had overcome a lot of challenges in her life. But, at a time and place that we never knew, a seizure would strike. With all of the friends that I had, none of them had to deal with a parent that suffered like my mother.

I believe that living with the knowledge of my mother's illness was one of the major contributing factors in my concept of God, of fairness, of love, of security and peace. Her illness was not the only influence, but again, it was very powerful. I make no pretense to understand if my early concept could have been different. It really doesn't matter, my perception was my reality.

Please continue with me and I would hope you will begin to gain an understanding into the mind and heart of a young boy who will eventually embrace God in all of His Love and Understanding.

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