Truth troubles a soul

Head bowed, as if some great weight is crushing

Shoulders stooped, seemed collapsed,

eyes downcast, un-moving, blank, lifeless, no sparkle just stare.

Words of love, seem empty, deceptive, lying, no proof,

words used to cover, to change minds and courses.

Words of concern, of family, of children, words that are less than empty,

words that reveal the black void in a soul, or worse,

words that reveal the absence of a soul.

Silence, truth known, truth hidden, more silence,

Prayer unanswered on earth, truth known in heaven,

Confusion among men, perfect clarity in heaven.

Answers are unknown, tears flow, prayers ascend,

The Light Will Shine and The Truth Will Prevail.

Yellow Ribbons

Lord, Do you grow weary over the condition of the hearts of mankind? Yellow ribbons line the street of this little town that I now find myself in. Like hundreds of small Midwest towns the people are friendly and most have been neighbors for decades. The small hardware store serves customers who are loyal, even though the "Big Boys" are less than 20 miles or so away. The small bowling alley is one of the very few places for fun or team sport. The coffee shop is usually closed by two.

But now this town is different. This past week the town has been filled with media from all over the land. Hundreds of people, moms and dads, teenagers, grandma's and grandpa's, all have come to lend a hand, say a prayer, or walk a cold and potentially haunting field or ditch. Lord, I know that you have witnessed the abuse and death of countless millions of innocent children, brothers and sisters alike. And, If there is anything I am sure of more than anything in this world Lord, you know where Tanner, Alexander and Andrew are at this instant in time.

The volunteers will end their organized search today. They might resume on Monday, we will have to wait and see. But Lord, If I was a volunteer and able to walk and look and search, turn over debris, look under bridges, inside culverts, anything, I would not like to be told to stay home for the weekend. The boys will not be home for the weekend, they won't be able to go and look at the Christmas lights. Lord! This is wrong in so many ways. Please bring all of this madness to a close, this little town is so weighed down.

The Warmth of the Sanctuary

The snow is blowing as I zip up my fleece jacket. Even though it only takes me a few seconds to go from the house to the church I make sure the fleece is zipped up to my chin. I fumble with the keys for a moment, trying to find the right one because I hardly ever unlock the side door. Once inside I turn on the lights for the rotunda. Everything around looks so festive and cheery, the Christmas tree is the center piece of the rotunda as the manger and candles are of the sanctuary. It is nice and warm and off comes the fleece jacket.

I sit in the area just back of the sanctuary and stare at the blue candles still on the altar table. A blue candle for each year of Tanners, Alexanders and Andrews life. The little blue candles number twenty in total. That means twenty one total years is the span of life for three wonderful and fun loving little boys. It has been close to a week since they were last seen playing in the back yard.

The entire town seems weighed down by a haunting and heavy sense of dread. The words from the authorities that, "this situation is not going to end the way anyone would want," seem to sap the hope and spirit from every person I talk with. Fathers and Grandpa's deal with feelings of anger and helplessness and I am right next to them. If I close my eyes and see my three, Allie age 9, Ayden age 7 and Avery age 3, I can only think of them for a split second before tears or anger show up.

So, I sit in the church and try to be helpful, answering the phone and allowing folks to come in for a few moments of silence and tranquility. I know what feeling helpless is like, it has been my portion for the past few years more than I would like to admit. In a couple of hours I will zip up my fleece jacket up to my chin and walk to the house, the warmth will embrace me and the fleece will come off. Not to many miles from me a father reveals his cold heart and Tanner, Alexander, and Andrew are probably.......