Saturday, April 3, 2010

A Clean Man cont.

As the agonizing days passed into weeks he began to understand that this was to be his life. It was not a mistake, it was not a dream, it was life until the leprosy left his body or his body left this world. He was not going to be one of the fortunate ones, whose condition lasted only a few weeks or months. As he watched the disease spread and cover his body despair was covering his mind and choking his soul. The despair was digging a hole that he could never hope to crawl out of. He thought of despair, his despair. What it is like when all thoughts are dark, when there is no sunshine of hope to be found anywhere? He knew in the deepest part of his soul that he would wander outside his town, never holding his wife, never listening to his children giggle and laugh, just wander until his rotting flesh finished its course.

The night was filled with pain, not pain from his bodily condition, pain that broke his heart. He got so lonely. His wife and children were just minutes from him. He thought of sneaking in during the darkness. He thought his life could be bearable if he could just hold his wife and see his children. Thoughts of a fool as night after night tears ran down his dirt and dust covered face. Only images and sensations of warmth were his as he dreamnt of her breathing. Lying close to him in the cold of the night at least his memories were warm.

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