By the time I was a young adult my concept of God was pretty well cemented in place. My perception was that God did not really concern himself with all peoples. He had a favored group of people and bad things didn't happen to them. The illness of my mother and the fear that we lived with everyday was like standing on ground that you knew would be swallowed up in an earthquake. The illness and death of Tag was part of series of catastrophic events that severed my relationship with my father.
Now, as I understanding the religious influences early in my childhood, the basis and foundation of faith did not influence or give guidance in the day to day living. My parents lived in a state of faith incongruity. What they said they believed in and their living did not match up. I don't believe that they made a conscious decision to abandon their faith. I believe that the importance of an active and growing faith-life simply did not out weigh the power of apathy or disillusionment that they faced. It must have been more convenient to see hypocrisy in others than to acknowledge the need for active faith.
Once the pursuit of a faith-life was stalled or stopped it was soon forgotten. This time in my life constructed the framework that believing in a body of truth did not mean that the body of truth had any influence in the way you lived each day. A period of more than six years would be devoid of any Christian impress upon my life.
So. I entered a difficult time of life-transition with a view of God that was formed by parental influence and catastrophic events. My perception will continue until the real truth begins to bring light to my mind and chip away at the wall of false understanding that surrounded me.
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